On Reckoning With My Physical Nonhumanity

This is also a Tumblr Post with Additional Comments.

I am physically nonhuman. Inhuman. However you seek to put it. I may not have been particularly open about it before, and most of my prior explanations for myself and the way I am are tied to my spiritual beliefs as an attempt to make sense of my multiple kintypes within this one body. In doing this though, I neglected entirely to pay attention to the looming physical aspect of my nonhumanity. In turn I believe this led to a lot of personal disconnect and strange feelings towards my nonhumanity. In attempting to explain it purely through spiritual means, and attempting to stay along the lines of "I know my body is human", I was neglecting part of myself.

I can't know my body is human because it is not. I don't speak about this metaphorically, ie. I am a dragon therefore my body is that of a dragon. No. Every single atom that makes up my physical structure. My very DNA. Is not human. At this very instant I genuinely and fully believe that I do not have a human body despite the shape it's been formed into and the shape it presents to all others. Despite the mother I was birthed from, despite those I am a 'blood relative' of, I am not human. In every aspect, on all levels including physical, I am nonhuman.

And yet this still leaves me with questions. Is it really possible for my DNA to be an amalgam of all of my different kintypes? Are all of my kintypes physical? Or are only a few physical with the rest coming from other sources. The answer is nuanced and complicated and I urge you bear with me here for my explanation.

I believe my Teratosoma plenanima primarily encompasses that which makes up my DNA. The form it takes, the form that my body is and the physical structure that I bear are my Teratosoma. My amalgamation of physical kintypes have merged into the shape that creates my Teratosoma plenanima, which is how I believe I can hold multiple physical kintypes while being entirely physically nonhuman. I have multiple partial sets of DNA that have combined into the shape of one creature. It is also important to note, however, that I do consider my Selkie/Animal Bride archetrope to be part of my plenanima. While this is not a physical identity, it shapes the way I view myself and the way I interact with the world around me. Something about my physical self (my correct appearance) feels as though it has been stolen from me and is being hidden somewhere to keep me living within human society. My fundamental physical structure has remained the same though. In the same way a Selkie appearing as human is still biologically and physically a selkie, still a seal, my outward appearance that most take as the approximate shape and form of a human is still physically, biologically that of my plenanima.

And while there is a spiritual aspect to this (re: our soul is naturally split which affects our physical form) I do believe that my soul's makeup only matters here insofar as it keeps my physical form stable with my amalgamation of DNA.

My pencorpus retains those identities which do not actively influence my physical being. While they are equally as important to me as my physical 'types are, they do not actively influence my body. There is no concrete 'name' or solid 'form' for my pencorpus yet (right now it really does just serve as a gathering bag, I believe a distinct shape and name will come in time) but this does not make them less valid or less important to me. They just do not affect me physically.

And in following, the intusorbita held by members of my system do not affect the physical body either. I am a very deeply traumatized beast who was not meant to be raised by or socialized as human and so my brain in response splintered and fragmented and has led I to become We and Me/My to become Us/Our. My headmates know this body is not human as well, and while it may not necessarily line up with their physical forms they think we should have, they don't try and negate the fact that it isn't a human body. We are what happens when you force a beast to act human for his whole life.

To try and shorten this into a more readable and digestible way of phrasing. I am physically nonhuman. I am also spiritually and mentally nonhuman. My plenanima is (mostly) my physical nonhumanity and my spirituality serves as an explanation for why my physical form is able to hold together. My pencorpus is my nonphysical alterhumanity in whatever way it takes. My Intusorbita are held by members of my system and do influence the way that we view our alterhumanity, though primarily they affect our shifts rather than anything else.

Re: This post actually because I have more thoughts

I've mentioned in the past that I have 'past memories' of 'being a dragon' or being one of my kintypes. That or I somehow share memories of an alternate version of myself who IS living as one of my kintypes. I no longer believe this to be the case. These posts were made prior to my discovery and coming out as a plural system.

I believe the reason I know so much about the particular biology of my 'fictional' kintypes is because this is my biology. This is how I am and how I exist and it's my job and purpose to be learned about how I physically function. I know that the species of dragon who's blood flows through my veins and who's DNA is my own had a quadripartite sex system because I fit within one of those four sex distinctions. My sex marker is "Tiercel".

Do I have a special interest in speculative biology? Yes. All this has done regarding my own physical makeup is make myself MORE interested in figuring out exactly what makes me tick and exactly how I function. Puzzling out my Noemata, if you will. I have so much intrinsic knowledge about myself and the way I function that I feel I MUST document it lest it die in the annals of my brain.

One day I will fully construct this, but that day is not today.

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