This essay can also be found on my tumblr.

Ramblings about vaguely how I came across my being a dragon, and about how I don't feel like I quite fit with the rest of the draconic community.

I am not your dragon

Despite the fact that I refer to myself as a dragon, and despite the fact that draconic terms do bring me euphoria as far as referral and naming go, my visage is not a familiar one to those who consider themselves experts of dragonkind. I look far different, I act far different, I do not possess the same powers, and while we may share urges I know mine come from a different place. I do not truly feel like the dragons I grew up seeing on screen or reading about in books, so much so that I was entirely unable to actualize myself as dragonkin until I broke my self imposed shackles of restrictive definitions and began to ‘research’ myself.

I thought I was a wolf for many years. From my awakening age 12 to age 18, I was under the impression that I was fully a grey wolf therian. At age 18 I begin to suspect that this connection may be incorrect, as while I was particularly fond of wolves, I did not actually feel like one. Though my feelings of nonhumanity were undeniable, I had to confront the fact that I was not a wolf. And so I did some soul searching, and adjusted my label. Perhaps I was another canine? I did feel vaguely doggish. Mountain Coyote, that must be it.

This was not correct either.

And over yet more years I cycled through several possible theriotypes, and each one eventually fell away as incorrect (barring leopard seal, of which I am truly sure I am one and have been for years). I decided, after this frustration and still feeling like I was missing something, to start from square one. All dropped theriotypes had a sense of naturalism about them that differed from my own, and yet I still experienced feeling that grounded, ‘real animal’ feeling as opposed to the more fantastical sensations described by some of my theriomythic and otherkin peers. I did, however, finally discover those alterhumans out there who had the same feeling of being grounded in some sort of earth-esque animal biology without actually being an animal from earth at all, and that sent me down my path of discovery towards labeling myself dragonkin.

I took extensive notes on what I felt my biology to be, what I remembered, what I longed for it to be. I took notes on the hearthhome that resonated in my memories and my dreams, my instincts, my behavioral shifts, and how I perceived myself. This is how I was able to draw myself recently, and this is how I was able to fully document exactly what I was.

Except I couldn’t. Because nothing about me matched up with any existing kintype I could find.

My designation as ‘Dragon’ was brought about via necessity of having others understand, as well as my personal resonance with the term. I do believe that if a human were to witness me as I’m meant to be, they’d classify me as such, but perhaps with a little hesitation. The reason I do not shirk the label in an attempt to create my own from my own language is because I do still think it fits, I just believe the outside listener needs to be open to accepting different looks of creature under the vast label of ‘dragon’.

When other dragons say they miss breathing fire, talk about their scales and horns, describe their membranous wings, I feel like an outcast. I’m covered in fur and feathers, I’m not particularly agile on the ground, I have no breath weapon, no scales, no horns. I’m semi-aquatic, my blood is blue, my teeth are beakish and my eyes hold my power.

And yet, I’m a dragon. Because I say I am. And because I feel like one. I talk of designations being brought about as necessity but in reality I’ve found that the label of dragon really does resonate with me far more than anticipated. Perhaps it was brought about by necessity, but it’s correct. I am a dragon, but I am not your dragon.

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